there are times when you're a mother of two small people that things just kinda slip by. stuff just kinda happens. or doesn't happen. it, well, it happens. like, for instance, let's say you're giving your 19 month old daughter a bath one morning and she's having a blast with all the "BUBBBBBBLES" (going on an eternity) and your butt starts to fall asleep. you know that when you tell her bathtime (otherwise known as "the time of her life") is over, her life will then be... well, over. for like 5 minutes til she's on to something new. you know that it isn't the end of the world, but the drama of it will be overwhelming to both of you for those 5 minutes. what am i getting at? my ass was asleep and i was getting sick of sitting on that miniature stool staring at her eat bubbles. i snatched the bean out of the tub before she even knew what was happening and exited the scene of the crime before the twisting, writhing, and screaming started. we brushed our hair and put on our diaper (well, i don't wear them) and put on our clothes and sang a song and laid down for a nap and then i had a drink. . .  all with tears in our eyes. (ok, ok. calm down. i waited til after noon for my drink.)

fast forward a few hours, after the longest nap in our history. . . even cohen was asking if we could "wake her up already" because he "missed her." so, like an evil mother, i did. she surprisingly wasn't pissed at me at all and resumed running around like a wild banshee with her big brother, getting into all sorts of things. i was cleaning the kitchen, but i kept my super-power hearing ear turned up, listening to what they were doing. if you aren't a mother yet, just know that your senses are on super charge at all times. (this is one of the many reasons you'll stay awake in the middle of the night when you could be sleeping. you hear the bugs in the trees in the yard sleeping from your bed. and you cuss at them.) anyway, i could tell exactly what they were doing in the bedroom just by listening...  then there was silence. i waited. silence. waited. silence. waited. . .

now, you're instinct might not be to grab the camera before you go to investigate. but i am not you. i am either a bad mother, or a seasoned professional.

i crept near the bathroom, as the door was open and it usually isn't (to avoid what you're about to read).