I think we've all seen the bazillion meal planning ideas on several websites, blogs. they're all over pinterest. there are tons of apps, calendars, and meal planning organizers you can purchase. (Hint hint.... I hope to have a meal planning insert for my journals in the shop soon!!) make one with sticky notes, chalk boards, dry erase boards, magnets, binders... 

in my quest to rid my kitchen of crap processed foods and gluten, I've been thinking up ways to get over my cravings for my favorite breakfast foods and desserts. generally, my favorite anything involves some sort of delicious baked good: golden pancakes, French toast with cinnamon, moist cake, chewy brownies, soft and crisp cookies, flaky pie crust, crumbly cobbler... believe me, I will find a way to have all of these things, but for now, I'm not ready to jump into baking. 

the other night, my husband and I were in the mood for dessert and I had to come up with something before both of us caved into our craving and headed to the Sonic around the corner. so glad I didn't, because this is faaaarrrrr better than anything you can get at a fast food drive thru. this delicious smoothie does the sweet tooth trick but also makes a great and filling breakfast. {I may not have been able to hold out til dessert... hey, it's better than having cake for breakfast... not that I'm above having cake for breakfast... you have the whole day to burn it off... ok, a little distracted. cake does that to me.}

by the way, I'm not totally giving up coffee because that would just be silly, I'm just trying to figure out how I "take my coffee" without all the processed sugar and coffeemate. I was more than slightly addicted to the "shit ton of creamer" I added to each cup. So. Bad. in the meantime, I have found that the turmeric ginger tea blend is pretty dang delicious with honey, not to mention, super beneficial to your innards.

that was the writing prompt for my college application essay. my story was compelling enough to get me into the school I had hoped for. my story goes a little something like this.... ok , no. it is exactly this.

up until my senior year, I had spent a large part of my high school career at home, sick and asleep. the rest of the time, I was busy playing catch up in my classes or saturdays in detention making up missed hours due to various illnesses and ailments. the summer before my junior year, I spent almost the entire 3 months of 100 degree weather sleeping and eating all day, layered in as many sweats as I could find under a pile of blankets. 

I was freezing all the time.

I had the worst insomnia.

I was weak and exhausted.

I had a constant migraine. 

my knees hurt, my elbows hurt, my ankles hurt, my knuckles hurt, my toes hurt.

my eyebrows had thinned significantly. 

my hair fell out in clumps in the shower.
my usually long nails were thin and tearing. 

I could hardly hold my hands up to brush my hair without them going numb.

crossing my legs or sitting on the floor would leave my entire lower body numb. 

when I actually had a period (which was super irregular) it was heavy and would last for weeks.

when it was time to shop for new clothes, I needed them, as I had lost 30 lbs. 

I had gone to the doctor many times for many different reasons in the years prior, but after that summer my mom knew something more was going on and she took me to a specialist. we sought out the best endocrinologist in town and when I finally got in to see his physician's assistant, I gave her enough of my blood to feed a colony of vampires for a damn year. I was told that I would be meeting with the PA for all of my  visits because the doctor was extremely busy (being the best and all...) but I was still happy to at least start figuring this out.

I was a little surprised and a lot concerned when the PA took one look at my lab results at the follow up appointment and excused herself before even taking a seat. my mom and I sat in that exam room for over half an hour as I grew more and more impatient and anxious. then the best endocrinologist in town walked in. the super important, uber busy doctor made a special visit to discuss my diagnosis. knowing that I had the best standing in front of me both put me at ease and worried me at the same time. were those results so urgent he had to stop what he was doing and make the time he didn't have 30 minutes before, to see me? 

not only did I finally have a reason for all the crap I had gone through, something to blame all my ailments on, I had "one of the worst cases he'd seen in a girl my age." I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis: an auto-immune disease in which the immune system attacks the thyroid. The disease is usually manifested in symptoms of hypothyroidism but as the body tries to correct itself, it can send the body into hyperthyroidism as well. my levels were completely out of whack and my body was sick and tired of it all. generally, the disease is prevalent in people with a family history of thyroid conditions. no one in our family had ever been diagnosed with any form. cancer? yes. fibromayalgia? yes. a few years after my diagnosis, my father was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis but no one had ever had issues with their thyroid. nevertheless, the doctor told me I'd be on medication for the rest of my life in order to maintain a "normal" of thyroid hormone in my body. I was just excited to finally have a doctor acknowledge there was something wrong with me and couldn't wait to take that pill to feel good again.

and I did. for a little while.

I moved away for college after "overcoming my obstacle with skill and resources" and thought I had everything under control. when stress triggered my symptoms again, I called to see the doctor, but this time, he definitely didn't have time for me as he was moving his practice and not taking any appointments. I had to find another doctor quickly to get myself back in order, which meant feeding yet another colony of vampires, tests, labs, blah blah blah.

what I thought would be simple turned out to be the opposite. the new doctor told me I was completely normal and wouldn't prescribe me the medication I had been taking for the last 2 years. another doctor said the same. and another. and another. for years. I even went to multiple endocrinologists in the original doctors practice and since they had moved offices, they lost (LOST) my medical file, so again... back to square one. and again, "your levels are normal."

I still had ALL of the same symptoms. I know my body and something wasn't right. with both of my pregnancies, the symptoms were even worse, and I was also anemic but still, my "levels were normal."

then finally, I found a doctor who not only acknowledged my symptoms, she was happy to treat them even though her results also said I was "normal." HALLELUJAH BABY JESUS! she told me that I was suffering from adrenal fatigue which had similar complications and did what she could to help me, and I was thrilled.

then, of course, she moved away and the doctor who replaced her, told me...

yep...

"your levels are normal and I have no reason to prescribe you medication."

ok, dammit. I took a big fukitol pill and suffered through my symptoms. for years.

a few months ago, I was just feeling shitty. more shitty than "normal" shitty. super freakin' shitty. although, I had tried a few times over the last few years to get back in to see the original doctor who had diagnosed me in the first place, I could never get an appointment... he was just too busy being the best in town to see "new" patients. that would always infuriate me, I'M NOT NEW DAMMIT!!! but I had never pushed it before.....

but this time...

I pushed. and I pushed hard enough to make an appointment with the man himself as soon as a week later. I was so damn excited to finally get in and get this whole 11 year struggle over and done with. he knew what I was going through, he wasn't going to scoff at my symptoms and tell me that I was "normal." he was the diagnosing physician! he was the one who told me I would be dealing with this for the rest. of. my. life. FINALLY, some relief.

you'd never guess what that asshole told me....

"I'm sorry, I must have made a mistake, I mean I don't have your file 'cause I guess we lost it in the move, so I can't really see exactly what was going on, but y'know you're probably just tired. Your lab results show that you're normal. You should probably just get more rest and eat better. I misdiagnosed you, you don't have Hashimoto's."

blink, blink. blink, blink. 

I wanted to rage. I wanted to slap him. I wanted to cry. I wanted to beg. I wanted to stomp my feet and throw a tantrum. I feel like shit and you're telling me I just need more sleep. I feel like shit and have been for years and you're telling me I'm normal.

Did you just tell me you misdiagnosed the "most severe case of Hashimoto's you'd ever seen in a girl my age" and that actually I wouldn't have to deal with this for the rest of my life (only for the last 14)?! Are you really going to tell me I just need to eat better and get more sleep and I'll be fine?!?!?!? Normal?!?!?!?

*  *  *  *  *

I have written down my symptoms and problems and questions and concerns and family history in more doctors offices than I can count over the years. the entire underground vampire population has me to thank for their survival with all the vials of blood they've drawn from my arm since I was 16. there had to be a reason and it wasn't because I was "normal."

I didn't actually want to be on medication for the rest of my life anyway, so I went on a google hunt to figure things out on my own. it wasn't until that infuriating appointment that I made the decision to drastically change my eating habits because, well, I should. we all should eat the best that we can. in my search, I happened upon the gluten free lifestyle. Celiac Disease or gluten intolerance/sensitivity has NEVER been on my radar, but you'd never guess the symptoms....

blink, blink. blink, blink. tear.

exactly. and I won't go into how annoyed I am that not one doctor ever mentioned the correlation. 

considering I'm a little gun shy about doctors at this point, I've decided to save myself the appointment and the testing until after I've tried cutting gluten on my own. ultimately, the cure for any gluten intolerance is to just cut it out completely, and I don't need a doctor to prescribe that to me.

so there it is... the obvious next step: we're eating clean and cutting gluten from our diets. 

as I learn more about it I'll let you know, but I'm super excited to get started living "normally." it's taken me almost 13 years, but hopefully soon I'll be able to say that my essay about overcoming my illness through high school will actually be a true story.

My story.