a list of "take me or leave me" things about myself.
- i take selfies. and by that, i mean i'm a narcissist. but i only like pictures i've taken of myself... don't post any picture of me to the interwebs i haven't taken without prior approval. it's just a thing.
- i write like i talk. mostly, i ramble and get stuck in a maze of tangents before i finally get around to my initial point. other times, i can't complete a thought. excuse the run-ons and incomplete sentences.
- i'm a mega procrastinator. or maybe it's the fact that i can't focus on one thing long enough to even start it. i'll get to this post a little later...
- i'm a smart ass. i absolutely cannot help it. the sarcasm is generally paired with a side of vulgar and a huge helping of inappropriate. you've been warned.
- it would benefit us both if you kept a pair of shoes in my size with you at all times as i have been known to leave the house {many, many times} only to arrive at my destination without shoes. this is actually how i tend to acquire new shoes... out of urgent necessity. i HATE shoes.
- i like to tell the long version of the story. your eye-rolling and heavy sighs of "hurry up and get to the point" have no effect on me. there's really no way for you to understand all of the intricacies of my stories without knowing the ENTIRE background of that story first. oh, and i embellish too. some people use the word "exaggerate" but that word sounds negative. "embellish" is prettier, like glitter. so, don't be surprised if not only is there a lot of glitter added to my stories, but a shit ton. like, 392 lbs of glitter.
- i don't generally have a problem telling you ALL of my stories. know me for an hour, and you've already learned more about me than a) you wanted to and b) you thought you could learn about someone in only 60 minutes.
- let's just pretend i capitalize things.
- i'll try real hard not to drop the f-bomb (as in, if it doesn't really make my point ((when doesn't it?)) i'll refrain) but know that i want to drop that word really, really bad. i cuss like a damn sailor in a group of a whole bunch of other sailors, drunk.
- speaking of drunk, happy hour is my favorite hour of the day.
- people say i look like mariah carey. a lot. i think she's pretty but i really cannot stand her.
